Friday, October 23, 2009


***As family I do respect you all's opinion so please respond. I am trying to find a better way to get them to know each other but not make Kaygan feel like shes being forced away!

SO I am definitely feeling some kind of way RIGHT now...and let me tell you WHY!!!
I know at times I can be real emotional and MOST people can not handle that about me but Last night, My 2 year old daughter asked me why her Daddy couldn't spend her birthday with her?

Right the look on her face was so SAD...It made me cry..For Cryng out loud she's 2 and has to process this type of emotion already...I know I cant PROTECT her from everything BUT DAMN IT its my job to TRY and at this point in OUR lives I just dont have the time or energy to waste on ANYONE who isnt on the same page as me!
SO here's a lil background story if you dont already and her father havent been together for almost 3yrs now...which is fine..WE didnt work but we were BLESSED with her and now have to find a way to be BETTER PARENTS...Better than our PARENT at least (we are both from broken homes).
No niether on of us are perfect not trying to pretend to be but I do know my daughter and I know on a certain level how she's gonna respond. WE stay in Oklahoma he in Cali....
She has only seen/meet her father a total of 5 maybe 6 times. So to her he is a STRANGER...But for some reason he CAN not or refuses to see this....WE argue everytime we talk because I wont allow him to take her with him to Cali or even an hour away if she doesn't want to go...and after last night I am still standing firm in my decision. HE is not very consistent with TRYING to stay in contact with her and everytime he comes to visit WE (my family and I) break our backs to try and make him and his company feel welcome and accomadating to their schedules...Taking off of work...leaving school early....DOING EVERYTHING so that Kaygan is comfortable around them...
WELL NOT ANYMORE...I'm gonna start being SELFISH for the sake of my daughter...SHE needs consistency, LOVE and most of all understanding and since it seems like I'm the only one who thinks or cares about that then I guess the rest will just have to fall in line!
LOL...When I first started this I was gonna ask for ways to try to communicate better with her father and maybe ways to try to be more accomadating...
But I realized that the only person I need to worry about accomadating is KAYGAN RENEE COURTNEY!

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